A penny for...why yes, me.

It's has occurred that im growing and falling behind my needs and wants. Interesting that ive come to a conclusion that its not entirely their fault. I mean im always bitching and putting blame on others. This whole idealistic opinion to become an independent individual really is hard to do when your in a home full of people with paused goals or semi finished goals or, hmm how can I put it. Inspirational goals to look upon with out having to rely on any one else for support.

Ive always told myself I was going to continue and do things on my own but hey look here. Sitting in this place I call "home" doesnt really do me any good. As we all know change comes within and I wanna change that but look at my lazy self. Sitting or laying in front of a screen of so called successful people pursuing there ideal or even content with what they do with their life.

Kinda tired of living this lazy life behind people who just put me in my place. Its really frustrating that im not pursuing something id like to do and I shouldnt hold back anymore. I already speak my mind so why do I hold back my actions of actually accomplishing something for me, for my own enjoyment, for my own title? Simple I must say, lacking the confidence as well as driven aspiration to do the things that I love to do. It bothers me though that I cannot, but then again whos really saying no?

I wanna go San Fran, don't get me wrong but money. Its an issue that I cant take upon myself to just have the loans under my name to take the responsibility and accountability of being on my own. I dont understand why I cant become an independent if I already Know what I wanna do. Just getting there :\

I shouldnt settle for less, its discouraging to live upon things I say but cannot do. "Dont settle for whats 2nd best or whats your best, go further and beyond that. So what If im in debt? Its my future, your always saying, your future your goal and what not so why cannot I do what I wanna do? Thats what I really dont understand. "Ill support you" wait stop, I remember that its to a certain limitation with that quote from him. Its not really support if theres a limited value behind those words if you must ask me. Support?

Ive always been interested into the arts but, unfortunately im being held back by old traditional parents who want me to go into nursing, engineering and what not. You know, it come to my attention that, a lot of parents "suggest" to go into nursing cause they believe every other job is insufficient for their child. Its not a set job to do music or to do graphic design or any of that "mediocre" job that affiliates being under the "boss" What happened to becoming your own boss? What happened to achiving your own goals with or without your parents. Interesting right? That we always have to look back upon our rents when we wanna accomplish something.

Ima leave it at here for now