I seriously cannot believe I wasted so much time on you

There's a subject that's been on my mind for quite awhile now. I can't help but think about it but at the same time im super pissed about it. Ive already vented about it to Andre and Robbie and any one else ive spoken to about you. But I guess im not over the fact that im so pissed at myself for wasting my time with you. Honestly really now. I know its been a few days since we have talked but im glad we don't talk anymore. You were seriously my biggest regret. I hate having regrets. Its annoying to have regrets cause well to me I just hate having regrets you know?

Trust me when I say im very upset and pissed at you. You wasted my time you took me for granted you treated me like shit you lied to me you used me you barely made me happy you talked to me like I was your property you talked to me like I was your bitch you cheated on my 3 fucking times. Seriously out of every one Ive dated I never expected that from you especially the 3rd time. Fuck and talking to me like im your property or like im your bitch? Who the fuck are you for thinking you have so much power over me? I just seriously wanna scream at you for making me the biggest fool in the world. I seriously can't believe we lasted for 437 fucking days. I never thought I would regret it but I do. I remember saying I wont regret it but shit I do. Im pretty sure we did have some good days but over all I can only remember how hurt I was, How much I cried by myself. How much shit I did just for you.

All the shit I ever done for you, I hate how I spent more time on you than you ever did for me. You even said "I can't give you a %100 all the time" shit that hurt. Ugh im just so angry. I wanna cuss you out I wanna stoop down to your low level so you can see how it feels to be hurt. Seriously I spent so much fucking money on you that I never been able to spend on myself. Sending you shit buying you shit. What did I ever fucking get from you? NOTHING!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Not 1 penny did you ever spend on me. I fucking bought you a Web cam,3 sunglasses, a necklace, my camera that was brand new, a leather hat, a stupid book and so much other shit. UGH im so frustrated with you. YOUR THE BIGGEST HELL THAT HAPPENED IN MY LIFE. I seriously haven't been pissed at some one this much since 8th grade.

I love how you say you've changed you don't do drug your a better person. If you seriously changed it would of shown. In stead of talk how about doing. Seriously your all talk that's why I think your shit. I also love and I mean LOVE the fact you say you don't smoke or do drugs and what the fuck do you do? You fucking take a picture of your self smoking a cigarette and posting it on myspace. how stupid are you? Seriously every time I hear from you or speak to you or just even think about you I lose focus cause your stupidity rubs onto me and I just get as retarded at you are. Its crazy to think that happens but shit. Your stupidity rubs onto me and ugh I just dont need that.

I love your best friend even told me that I spoiled you. I regret spoiling you. Also I became friends with one of the girls you cheated on me for and you treat her just what ever also and you even lied to her? What the fuck dude? I know that was long ago but I don't know if I could ever forgive you. Ive even spoken to her recently and Ive asked if shes talked to you and she said "hes the same old same old" Fucking liar dude you've change? I also love how when you talked to me you say the word "FUCK or FUCKING" every sentence you speak. Sometimes you even say it after every other word. Seriously now grow the fuck up.

You also say ive changed for the worse and you still wanted (want"ED") me. Honey, this is the way I have been and I was never ever comfortable to be normal when I talked to you cause I just didn't feel comfortable. I always felt like I couldn't be me cause you never liked it so I was some one different for you, no one else but you cause you couldn't accept me for who I was. Don't say you have cause honestly no you haven't. I hate swearing in my blogs but shit I really wanna cuss you out cause im just so pissed. 437 wasted days. I understand everything happens for a reason, but dam Ive learned a lot and Im glad this happened cause now I know what a dick you are.

Don't ever complain how much your life sucks cause honestly you made my life suck worse than your life will ever suck. I still can't believe we both had my (MY) best friend jade in the middle. I felt terrible after it all happened. God I still owe her the world for putting up with the shit we gave her. Seriously I cant think Im just so pissed at you. After this blog after I post this. I seriously hope. I PRAY that you will be out of my life for good. Out of my mind for good.

You were seriously my biggest regret and mistake in life. But you know what Im glad it happened because like I said I got to know how much of a dick, how much a douche, how low of a person you are. Ive learned from it. Hope you have a good life. Good luck in life cause you honestly need it.

"I decided to start a new chapter of my life without you I believe that it is for the better."

Selfishness or Insecurities?

Its been a while since I last blogged. I have to say that ive been very busy with spirit week with learning dances preparations making posters etc. Its been a stressful week but Congrats to Class of 2010 for winning cause your seniors. Ohh well can't complain even thought I sort of want to. Heh.


So lately things have been rather I guess content but thankfully spirit week is over and all the drama and dancing and shit is over. You wont believe how much shit went on during spirit week. Any ways, Back to the main reason why I wanted to blog.

I can't believe how well ive been treated by my boyfriend. I honestly cant, then again there still so many days to come and see what else will happen in the future. Like what will come across us in the future. Ever heard the quote "Once one door closes another one opens" I have to say I strongly believe in that, ive been in and out doors with my boyfriend and its kinda scary to be honest. Cause I personally wanna continue opening and closing doors with him by my side. I guess I get so scared when things happen between us personally and when we talk it brings me down and I can see it brings him down and I can tell he wants to do his best to make everything ok.

"When I smile, he smiles, when I laugh, he laughs, when I talk, he listens, when I'm mad, he apologizes and those are only a few of the reasons why I love him."

I guess its the fact my past comes in my head since I haven't been treated so well in a LONG time. Heh its amazing. Sometimes I feel like im to persistent into finding out what hes doing or so. I guess its also scary when he talked to other people. When it comes down to thinking about those things I get scared and honestly he's been doing a wonderful job at proving me wrong about what I think. I guess I just get jealous when he's talking to some other boy and I guess I get more than curious to know what there talking about.

I trust him, I trust him not to do the things ive been through in the past. Heh thinking about the past makes me think ugh....will he be like them? Then again I have to remember every ones different, give this a shot and face your fears maybe things will be different. I believe things will be different. Its a struggle I personally have to face but I wanna see what's going to happen.

"I told myself it was okay to smile and okay to laugh, and suddenly I found I was able to tell myself it's ok to cry"

I don't remember being treated so well its amazing. Its getting to the point where Im afraid to loose him more than ever. Each and every day is another day of growth in this relationship and im willing to do what ever it takes to make it work.

"It's completely impossible to find a guy who won't ever hurt you, so go for the guy who will make the pain worthwhile"

I sometimes think about my past relationships, and honestly I cant say how proud I am on being able to get through them. They were difficult for me honestly. I just hope this one is not going to become another one also. Every ones different I believe.

Its not like I want to be the only guy in your life. I just want to be the only one that matters.....

So for this weekend

Chat,

Eat,

Sleep,

Perform,

Wast life away.

Wow.... Lame huh?

"sometimes good things
fall apart so better things
can fall together"

Please ohh baby don't go,

I feel used, I feel miss placed. Every thing happens for a reason, yet again this had to happen. Of course I have hopes not so high tried seeing what was going to happen either way. Weather it was good or bad even though, it ended bad.

You know its fine, Im not worth it I guess. Heh I hate putting myself down but I can't help but acknowledge that maybe I was never worth it to begin with. I mean If I was worth it wouldn't we have been together still? I can't believe I even had hope, I seriously should of known instead of hoping and thinking about this all day but you know what I expected it honestly. Its fine. I know that I was just some one to make you happy in the mean time while he was away. I bet so that's what it was.

Come on now 5 times? 5 chances? After all hes done now? seriously. He must of been worth it then. Heh he's lucky to have a guy like you. Again and again, I will always fight but I guess no one will ever fight for me. Heh seems that way. I mean honestly with friends and family. Heh im such a crybaby. I guess being alone isnt so bad. I mean sure its lonely but you know this also gives me a chance to just do things that I want to do individualy with out having to replpy on any one else to do it for me.

I guess its just meant to be this way. I don't know how im supposed to feel. I cried it all yesterday. Heh pre tears I guess? I still can't believe I wasn't worth it to you. Heh he's so lucky. It's hard to accept all the words that were said. I guess they were just sweet words. A dream, a dream that was just so unreal. yet.....it was real.

"My life consist of heart break and heart ache"

I Dont know why im even bothering to even do anything.... Why should I fight when in the end again ill just be fucked over. shit I hate feeling worthless and hopeless. I know countless times ive said do something about it but shit how many times do I have to do something for it to work?
I should just stop caring heh. Why should I put myself and give something my all when im not going to get anything in return. I guess ugh I dont fucking know anymore.

Its my fault for even getting attatched.

"Story Of My Life"


"I Kind of knew you were going to be an important person

to come into my life and leave"

I wonder if it was all a cover up to make me feel of and to get me through the night, I wonder.

So today?

So today,

I honestly had a ok day, Very slow day I must say, didnt really do much. Could of worked on HUSH home work but apparently my lazy ass didn't. Had a good talk today with Robbie. I was really glad I talked to him about certain thing's and being able to understand him more and learning more about him just by simply asking. I mean communication is the key in every relationship. Whether its a friendship or a relationship. Its all about giving and taking too. I mean friendship wise both people gotta make a effort if they wanna be friends. I mean if not both some one has to start some where for the friendship to build into what ever you hope it would be.

Relationship wise. I wanna summazire it up with this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPJV5NKVUuY

ahh thats all for now kinda coughing a lot cant really speak and not much on my mind right now.


Shit. I Fucking Love you Robbie Kincaid. <3 and its the best feeling ever

Simply bliss

Today's horoscope for Pisces-

"Even if you have doubts about your recent choices, you are hopeful that things are in the process of turning around. Your patience is an asset, for you have the ability to hold on to an idea and wait until the resistance begins to wane. Although your sensitivity can be problematic now, you don't have to buy into the negativity around you. Concentrate on the positive potential of the moment, rather than worrying about what could go wrong. "

Its pretty interesting that that was my horoscope today and it did happen. or things that happened today revolves around this horoscope. I find it pretty interesting to be honest but I can say im like speechless about today. I just wanna take time and explain how wonderful it was today. I have wonderful news for every one who reads my blogs. Im happily taken by him again <3 All the patients and tears and waiting was worth it in my opinion. I tried my best to keep myself up no matter what happened and look what happened were together again.

"This time im not letting you go" ugh I was just so happy to see those words. Prove me wrong about what you say. Cause honestly im still willing to do what ever it takes ti make this work. Im Ronald Kincade :3

"If I can use whatever is left in the sky before the night falls to create a picture that will convey my feelings for you, I will. I never expected anything from you in return but just this once, please look up. "

I honestly dont know what to say or write im still speechless from earlier today.

Its still just bliss 11/6/09 <3

I find this rather interesting

So yea....
I like my answers a bit.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Just something out there

Objective
-Plans for spring break
-Cake decoration
-My hair
-Just what else can I say?

You know what I find interesting? I find that I like planning ahead of time for future events, to make sure things go well for what ever plan I want to do in the future. This spring break from March 29-April 2nd I plan to spend all that time with hopefully Robbie. Or hopefully I can call him Boyfriend again before that time. I might even be there longer from the 27th to April 2nd. Id like to spend a whole week with him up there. Just the only problem is is plane ticket. Ive spoken to my mother about going but like Ive mentioned the only problem is a plane ticket. Im determined to make $400 by late December or early January. Im very determined to do so.

Im kind of scared to be honest, I want him in my life just afraid from my past mistakes and past crappy things ive done to get back at me. I strongly believe in Karma and im not to happy from what ive done, well all I can say is well have to see what happens next and be ready for what ever happens.

Another thing on my mind is cakes for a few of my friends. Ive very happy to say I did a wonderful job for my first time making a 3 layer cake for a dear friend of mine Rachelle, I plan to have a picture up of the cake up soon and if not some time in the near future ill be sure to have it up when I make the next cake for another friend Armyn. Just expanding my knowledge with baking and decorating since its pretty fun in my opinion.

Ive also just been afraid to admit that im kind of scared of baking cause out of all my brothers and I, I just started to get better at cooking and baking. Im annoyed at the fact my brothers compare to me with cooking since theyve had more experience than me. Kind of not fair. I also have to say I started baking cause of Robbie.

Cause of him, he has an idea of having his own resturaunt some day and I wanna help participate in the dessert menu or some where on the desert menu at least. I dont know I find his ideal job to be interesting and unique. Not something I would go into just something I would like to have an experience in with.

He still makes me smile and happy inside despite the fact that there are a few minor things thats holding myself back to fully express myself to him. Heh just 16 still searching for that great guy. I have a feeling ive found him. Just scared to loose him now. Ive once learned long ago, when you find some one whos really precious to you just hope for the best between you and hold on to it as best as you can to make it last forever.

Mehh my hair is blahh, I wanna do something with it. I have an idea just dont know when im going to do it. I love how I planned to do something new every month but I have nothing for november yet. I guess for september was just straight hair and have it how ever I cut it over the summer and in october I kept my hair curly. Now its november kinda wanna bleach a few parts or so. Idk yet coon tails?

Mmm how am I today so far I was just ask? Well I can say I feel content just still hoping today will be a bomb ass day cause its not half way done yet. I still hope to talk to robbie on the phone later hopefully I can. But will have to see.

"The least you can do is thank the person who cares about you or return the favor. It is like an object that you continue to overuse without being aware that objects, such as machines, must be cleaned to work efficiently. Do not wait for the time when things like this do not work for you anymore when you need it the most. You will be surprised that how you treat your things can somehow connect with how a person affects your life."

Is it my luck or is it supposed to be this way?

I have to say my weekend was just bliss. I can't explain how much I enjoyed my weekend. All I can say for sure is that I really dont remember being this happy in such a long time. I know ive been happy before but I don't recall ever smiling this much crying inside much of happiness and its just my god what happened this old me? Well not the bad old me the old me that was carefree of all this drama and just be like what ever.

I know what happend heh, I grew up and became mature and still learning and growing as a person. I don't know what else to say about my weekend ohh I can say I wish it didnt end. It's seriously my favorite weekend. I love how im being repetative in this blog im just so happy.

"The gift of happiness belong to those who unwrapp it"

Him, he makes me so happy. I feel loved I feel lucky. I just can't believe that it will be a while again till I speak to him. I miss him, I miss his voice, I miss his giggles, I just wanna tell him how much I love him and how much life means to live with him. wow the moment he said RMK made me die of happiness inside. I really cant explain how much I cant wait to go see him for 5 maybe 7 days when spring break comes. I know im so excited. I just ugh can wait.

Aishiteru Robbie Joseph Kincaid <3
I Love You Robbie Joesph Kincaid <3

Love

"Love is everything its cracked up to be...it really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. "

Its been A while

Its only been a few days since I've last blogged. Ive been trying balance myself out yet once again, since ive been constantly reminded on how unlucky ive been for such a long time. But honestly its ok that ive been unlucky, one day ill get my turn and ill be able to get the chance and be like so many people who get to share fascinating stories on their happiness. Im happy for the most part, but being around so many friends who are in relationships kinda make me feel lonely.

You know im pretty amazed at myself that I seem to always get bad luck with guys and to be honest the last guy I dated was honestly the best guy ive ever dated, I appreciate every thing we had and everything that has happen. So what if it was only a short amount of time being together. I can honestly say those 25 days were the best days of my life so far and maybe some day ill get my chance again with him or some one better or I dont know honestly. Kinda bummed out about that.

Also these past few days have honestly been blehh. Meaning Ive been like so bipolar and im only really happy when I talk to him. I mean a simple hello txt from him makes me sooooooo happy, but at the same time I get sad when theres no replies or anything. Ive noticed i have drawn many doodles and many sketches of him and I being together just cuddling and just smiling and laughing, but then once im done I realize that im not with him anymore and it really sucks honestly. Im sending him some of the drawings still since he wants them.

It makes me happy to know that he still wants them. I appreciate that some one actually wants my drawings.

do you believe in the saying “you first have to lose something until you can fully appreciate it”?

In my opinion, yes sometimes I fail to realize how much something is worth until I realize that it is gone. Some times I already appreciate what I have and I constantly remind myself how thankful I am to have this or them in my life. Ive lost friends and even past relationships that I didn't want to lose I lost them and I miss a few of them. Especially my most recent one. I feel so natural with him and I could just be myself and its crazy that we have so much in common and we talk a lot. Ive never had that in a relationship before.

I even gave him my very first cow doll and Im glad he has it and still supposivly sleeps with it.

Ive just been really frustrated with myself and its just driving me crazy inside. Some how it comes off as me looking sad and im tired of people saying I dont wanna see you like this and im sorry but Im trying to be strong and smile and have a good time myself but I just can't since so much is in my mind so many questions to ask so many things to just say. I sometimes think about just going up to him and saying how much it hurts and just scream and cry since ive just been holding it in.

Ive always appreciated these people but I seriously never knew it would come down to me saying that I miss them dearly and it makes me wanna cry since ive been holding it in lately since I have literally no one to speak to about this since when I want to speak it no ones there and when im given the chance to its blank.

I appreciate my best friend Jade but we've been so distant I feel like im loosing her. I appereciate my brother that passed away. I always knew I lived in a house full of strangers but were family and him not coming home any more is like still bizarre sometimes cause I have those days where I think "ohh yea hes not coming home anymore" and then there's Robbie, I get so excited to hear from you, I get so happy when I get a text from you. It makes me happy to know that your still there, and ill be seeing you some day just now it feels like were drifting and I honestly don't ever want that to happen between us.

Ive lost a great amount of people in my life and I don't wanna lose you and its just surly there's some one else out there but I haven't gotten to the point where I can accept that yet since we still talk. Sure some one else can be there for me just as much as you have and maybe it maybe even better, its just for now, I still want a us and another chance. I hope to get that chance some day. Im sure we both can find some one better or so but when you think about it, you really cant replace those old memories you once had if them.

"I've never had the chance To kiss your beautiful lips
To hold you tight all day To run my fingers through your hair
Or talk to you till the sun comes up My mind says this won't be so
But my heart knows different Someday I will do these wonderful things
And never let you go No matter how long it takes
No matter how many tears it makes I will see you Kiss you And hold you

Until the end of time"

I know your out there, maybe ive met you? Maybe ive never met you yet and we shall soon meet some day. I don't know who you are, maybe I do. Life is full of surprises. And I just cant wait to find out who you are some day. One day though right? That special person who I hopefully can make their lives just as amazing as they may make mine. <3

Note For All Guys

It frustrates me to the max when guys say stuff and make you feel all special and then couple days later break your heart. I mean seriously now I am seriously not getting any of this shit. Ok so I have given many guys all that I can give and show them how much they mean to me if they show me that side and that I mean something to them then I fall for you. But dont take advantage of it. Dont use me cause thats not cool. "Affection towards one another" ok I get that whole affection towards one another, but honestly why even bother in my opinion, Seriously get to know your self before you go out with me. Also fuck relationships, every guy ive gone out with I honestly feel like Ive done more for them than any of them have ever done for me and honestly its not so great anymore.

I mean I go out with a guy they fuck me over for some one else or ignore me cause they dont know how to handle a situation. I mean in my opinion its simple, TALK IT OUT, have some ballz to talk have some respect for one another and talk about it instead of being a dick about it. Sure in some cases it may not be like that but instead of being an asshole be straight up. It sucks but seriously now suck it up and move on.

I seriously hate letting guys get to me, I delt with that 5 times already I seriously dont needa do that again for this one cause honestly I want my future to be fucking bright and I know it will be. I hate guys who are selfish. For once dont think about yourself and think about the other person. Try being in their position first and listen to what they have to say. Then again most people cant cause they dont have the ballz to. Seriously now.

And seriously dont say you want some one more than you want ur current boyfriend cause honestly thats fucked up. Cause then thats sad to say for your partner and its not fair to you and your just wasting his or her time and your time. It may not seem that way but honestly it is wasting both of you guyses time. I mean its great to have some one but honestly I can make my dreams come true on my own. I dont need some one I really dont sure Ill feel lonely. But fuck it, I doubt any one will prove me wrong on what I could think about them. Seriously now guys leave me alone dont try anything. I mean I strongly believe that so many of you guys at this age have not matured. If you have prove me wrong of what I think about so many guys. Seriously so many of you guys (heh id say dicks and douches honestly) are not worth crying over or getting so pissed over. Im done with that phase.

"I have loved to the point of madness; that which is called madness, that which to me, is the only sensible way to love."
—Francoise Sagan.

Soon To Be Winter

Just a few days till October ends. Fall is soon to be over then winter is coming. Winter has always been my favorite season. Its the season to togetherness. Its also getting close to the time where I get into my sweat pants and big T-shirts, Time for those hot cocoa mugs and containers to come out to bring to school. Heh I love the family get togethers we have. I say its great cause its finally the time we should all be together to celebrate the seasons. Pull out a holiday dvd to watch with the family. Like a family movie or having family dinners and opening Christmas presents. You know, some people feel bitter about the winter season cause its also known as "Cuddle season" the time to cuddle up with some one for warmth and enjoy the holiday season to be comforted with. Thats nice to have honestly but I dont need that its nice to have it but its still just nice to just have the big family together. One day ill have that opportunity to share a holiday season with. For now while I can. Ill spend it with my family cause thats what matters most. Especially when the family is laughing and enjoying just relaxing before the final day of the year ends and the brand new start of a new year. New opportunities. Can't wait for the wine and apple cider and turkey to be out.

Its soon to be the season of love, When the cold is the warmth of love in the air.

"And to be honest, I’m afraid that you’ll be another important person to me that leaves. I’m afraid that soon enough, everything will disappear. I’m afraid i’ll lose you."

Let me tell you one thing

"The night gives me temporary dreams just like how being alive with you is also temporary."

Your Worth It, But Am I?

"I know you’re trying, everyone who knows what your trying to do can see that. But you can try your hardest and never be rewarded, or at the least, acknowledged for every ounce of heart you put into the situation. It’s as if your running after something, you can run as fast as your legs take you .. but soon, you’ll see that your running after something that isn’t running after you."
-NCC

Its Pretty interesting to me whats been on my mind these few day. Im kinda of bummed out that were like this. I Do want an us. But how much do you want it? I mean I want to keep showing and running to show that your worth it but how much am I worth it to you? I mean, Do I really have a chance? I mean the future is something we enter and create, its sometimes scary cause we dont know what could come happen next.

“There’s always going to be that one guy. The one whom you fight with constantly and drives you completely insane. The one who knows just what to say to piss you off beyond reason one minute and then have you laughing hysterically the next. The one who knows you inside and out and knows about your imperfections, but he doesn’t care because he loves you anyway. The one whom you can hang out with, doing nothing and still have a good time. The one whom you cry to after something bad happens. The one who’ll tell you everything will be okay and you know it will be because he said so. And most importantly, he’s the one who will always love you no matter what happens and you know what? You’ll always love him too.”
-Anonymous

As I read this, who else would appear in my mind but you? Even though you may be the only thing on my mind some times its great sometimes it makes me feel happy cause I think about an us, Though it frustrates me with whats going on, you still put up with me. Honestly thank you.....thank you for everything and more.

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

-Bob Marley

I really love the fact were both from the same world, Funny isnt it? I mean we go through day by day wondering what the other person could be doing and we miss each other Or I know I miss you, I miss Having our late conversations at night and I could stare out my windows at the stars. Sometimes its beautiful and to be honest, it feels rather lonely. In a short amount of time that you have given me, You have given me more than I could ever ask for. Im stuck and I cant stop at smiling at what we had cause they were just amazing and great. I Cant get mad at you for your flaws cause I see past that. How can we get to know you if I dont even give you the many chances that I think you deserve. And you know what I wanna tell you, no ones perfect and no one will ever be. Every one is going to see every one differently but it only matters to those who matter most to you. To me you matter a lot. I don't want to hold a grudge against you. I mean why should I? Its not something major. Sure you've hurt me, but you know what ive learned from my bestie? "Sometimes your going to hurt those you love"

Will my efforts be worth it? will I get the chance to ease down and not get so worked up into proving to you and just ease down. But our famous quote "Prove me wrong" heh Ill prove you wrong but will you do the same? Im learning from my past mistakes and I don't want to repeat them with you cause your to precious in my eyes. To me your like, A Diamond, Perfectly cut in my eyes,extravagant and beautiful, Simply... bliss. I Love you more than health, happiness here or here after.

Heh im the kind of guy who puts all he can in. The guy you will see stores constantly looking at the hair products they have. Im the kind of guy who wants to give you his all and even more than I can give. I play video games I sing I Dance I some times just lay around and listen to music and just draw. I just started liking the cullinary arts. I wonder if thats because of you. A chef as a career. Im impressed, I got into baking because of you. Maybe if we are together I can make the desert menu and you can make the rest. I sometimes walk alone bump into things trip and fall and sometimes say blah when I cant speak, but that clumsy person is just in me. I act the way I act around you cause I feel my most natural around you. I can relax and be like fuck putting a face in front of every one. I just feel more at ease with you. Im just the type of guy who believes that tomorrow is always going to be better and if not the next day will. Theres always a tomorrow. Im also the guy that believes in love. I mean hey Love will find a way. Love is love and thats the beauty of it.

Before you judge me,
Before you say you know me,
Figure me out cause im still figuring it out myself.

Im trying to show that im being a better person. Sure I have my flaws but see past that maybe I can be some one great to you. Im only trying to be a better person for myself. I wont impress any one . If I seem impressive to you I guess you see that if not then I could simply be another guy to you.

Sometimes I just feel so far away from everything I want, and so incapable of being everything I was meant to be.

"All that I am, All that I hope to be, is all because of you."
-RMC